New Year, Same Me, Same Intentions, Newish Approach
Happy New Year! Welcome 2020!
Am I saying that cheery enough? Happy enough? With as much excitement as I should?
All the thoughts running through my head as the ball dropped at 12:00 am on 1-1-20 as I say those words to my beautiful children and give them the biggest smooches and hugs a mom can ever give.
My kids were determined to stay up to see the new year. My husband and I politely obliged, although he went to bed at about 10:30 because he was not feeling well. And yes, this mom toughed through it because staying up late is such a treat for my 2 kiddos.
So, there I sat with my kids who were wide awake, bouncing off the walls with excitement and joy, and all I wanted to do was go to bed and hope for 2020 to be THE YEAR.
THE YEAR. What grand expectations I have for 2020. But then again, every year I feel like there are grand expectations but I never seem to get there. 2 years ago, when I set out to start my coaching business, I had grand plans that this would be the year, in June to be exact, that I would take the leap. Take the leave of absences from my full-time job to see if I could make this coaching business-thing happen on my own. And as I sit staring at the TV, my kids bouncing around, I realized that 2020 is here and I am nowhere near being in a place to take a leave. No place to jump full time into my coaching business and leave behind a consistent salary.
And then … all the doubts, the negatives, the “you should have …” or “you could have …” roll right on into my thoughts. Needless to say … I am not too thrilled with the start of 2020 because I am nowhere near the place that I wanted to be. And when I walked back into my full-time job on 1-2-20, I knew that there was still a long road ahead of me. One that means continuing to be in this place, doing the work, feeling the stress, and trying to make the best of it. All while knowing that at the end of the day, I will not be writing and submitting that letter.
At least not yet!
And that is the key. While I am not at a place in my business that I am ready to take those leaps because really it is too risky and may be for some time. I have 2 youngish children to think about. I have bills to pay. I have adventures and vacations that need to be funded. And while it could be possible for a short while to do it, I can’t expect my husband to take on that burden while I chase this dream. But that does not mean that it will never happen. It might not happen when I felt like I wanted it to. It means that I just need more time and more hard work.
And as I pondered these questions, I took some time to write and now share with the world (please be kind world!). I am a big believer in sharing out intentions in a way that feels right in order to help manifest them into reality (e.g. write and share, journal and not share, vision boards, etc.). I joke a lot that my husband and I used to sit in the living room of our little 945 sq. ft. 2-bedroom 1-bath house talking about how one day we will have enough bathrooms for us each to be in one and that there would be woods all around us. When we first started out in our married, homeowning life, it seemed like such a farfetched dream. But because we put it out there, we set our intention, our goal, we were able to make it happen. And it did not happen right away but it did, eventually, little by little. Now surrounded by woods, we have all the bathrooms we could ever need (seriously …. All four humans in this house could use a bathroom at the same time!). And so solidified for me the reason finding a way to share our intentions with the world.
So here goes my sharing that may just help you too!
What is my WHY — Recognize and acknowledge what got me started in this direction
I love being a mom. I truly do. It has been one of the absolute greatest things, even in the worst of moments (you know … the “I hate you” and “you are the worst mom ever” moments). Because while I may be the worst, when both my children tell me how they are excited to get back to school after vacation but in the same breath start to tear up because “I am just going to miss you so much” and “what if I need a hug during the day?” comes out, means I am doing this mom job the best that I can. They understand what truly unconditional love means even when I lose my cool too. (So my number one reason – to be the best mom to my kids that I can be.)
I decided to venture into coaching because while I love to help others and share a real vulnerable space of trust, I don’t love the work that I am currently doing. I am finding that it is completely draining all the little bits of me. It is making my #1 priority of being mom extremely challenging because it is taking too much of me. When I signed up to start my coaching program, I was at a real low space in my feelings about my job. The idea of still being able to help but to do it in a way that felt best, got a spark that eventually ignited a bit of a fire inside me. It got me to a place that I really felt like this was it. This was truly the work I am meant to do. And while that spark is still there, I need to feed the fire a bit more. I am slipping back into that place of dread, discouragement, struggle, drained, that ultimately is impacting those around me. (My number two reason, part A – to get that fire going again!)
And the reason my coaching work is with parents is because I truly believe at the heart of it, we choose to be a parent because we truly, deeply love it even in those challenging, ugly moments. That to truly enjoy the journey of parenthood, we have to really work to find the balance of it all. And why not help other parents in the process. (My part B to reason number two — parents rock!)
I have my reasons. I have my whys. Now what?
What are my WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT — What changes can I make to keep me moving forward in the direction I want and what steps do I need to take.
“Get to work” is my go to statement about what I will inevitably do about it.
Easy enough … right?? Wrong! I have fallen into the trap that I could see but chose not to avoid. Just get to work. Do something. But that is not how I work or how the work needs to happen to be successful. For me, it never has been the way and probably never will. I guess the change now is that “get to work” means to make the list of steps I can see. I can’t predict everything that is going to happen but I can prepare and do something about the steps I can see.
I took time to make my list. Again, a list is not for everyone but for me it is my outline. It helps me prioritize and make the most of those little and big moments of time. What are the things I want to accomplish with my “get to work” time. There are lots of grand ideas floating around in this brain of mine but I need to zero in on things so that I don’t just get lost in my thoughts without accomplishing anything. So my list includes all the things I want to do – big and small. If it is on the paper then it doesn’t have to just float around. I can begin to find ways to make it happen.
A big hurdle that I have struggled with overcoming is making the time to “get to work”. Am I willing to give up some time with my family to “get to work”? The answer initially was “hell yes but …” and I recognized it right away. I have the spark (“Hell yes”) and also way out (“but … “). So, I did an exercise that I have had those that I work with do. I wrote out each daily schedule with the expectations and responsibilities and started to look for holes. For places that I could push in a little “get to work” moments. Because little bits of time here and little bits of time there lead to lots of time altogether.
After finding the holes and making my list, I make sure to take a breath and schedule in some me time. I think it was Jack Nicholson in The Shining that typed over and over “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. While a truly creepy movie (I think one of the only “horror” movies that I will still watch), there is some real truth into the statement. I know that for me, it is truly important for me to have time for breathing, enjoyment, and pleasure because it makes all the other roles, responsibilities, and “jobs” I do so much better. And through my own coaching work, I have learned that unless I schedule it in, it will not happen. I will always find the excuses.
Now I am all set, I have my whys and my what am I going to do, but there is still missing pieces.
What is my HOW WILL I KNOW — What will tell me that I am going in the right direction or rather the direction I want to be going in.
This another tricky, sticky piece for me. I tend to think and look for the grand reasons, grand signs, grand success for how I will know that I am on track. And because of that I miss the small signs, small successes, small accomplishments. I end up getting frustrated and overwhelmed. Inevitable facing a place of giving up. My focus now is to look for the small successes. And to write those small success are right next to my “get to work” items. Why? Because my small successes are in the steps to accomplishing my grand “get to work” items. And celebrating those are just as important as celebrating the bigger accomplishments or the completion of a “get to work” item. And those will show me I am going in the direction I want to be.
1 more like to my Facebook or Instagram page SUCCESS
1 more comment or like on a post SUCCESS
A discovery session turned into client SUCCESS
A discovery session turned into client SUCCESS
Each little step, each little accomplishment, leads to the bigger overall success. The saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” is so very true. It takes time to do things, make things, and create things that will stand through time. Every little step counts.
And one last piece that helps all my intentions and goals come through …
Do I have the GRIT, the PERSERVERANCE — What will keep me going? What are my motivations to keep pushing when times get tough?
Let’s be real … when putting all those things above into play, goals, dreams, intentions are bound to come true because you will make it happen through the work itself. However, what happens when there are inevitable setbacks, failures, fall downs start showing up. And they will show up!
What is it that will truly keep me going? Yes, the big picture, the end goal – the day I get to say that I have been able to make my dreams of my own business my full-time gig and be there fully for all the moments with my kids. Be the mom, wife, person, friend, and coach that I want to be. But what happens when that is hard to see that end goal? When the light is so very dim? For me, it was about creating a visual. I have a picture frame in my little home office space that I write on with dry erase markers. There are always words that I have written on it. Sometimes it is my idea board. Sometimes it is just reminders. But right now, the words are meant to motivate me. These words are meant to remind me about my journey, where I want to go, who I want to be, and what I want to share with the world.
Right now, the words are …
STRENGTH, FIERCE, GROWTH, DRIVE, HOPE, GIVE, HEART, & GREAT
And that is it. My way of sharing out my own intentions for 2020. To make this a year to remember. It may not be THE YEAR. But on the journey to it!
So, what do you want out to the next year, 2 years, 5 years, however long it may be? What do you need to do to truly and fully enjoy all aspects of the journey through parenthood, to be the parent, partner, friend, person, etc. that you want to be?
I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I love helping others. I love being me. I love ME.
And at the end of it all, that is what makes the journey through parenthood amazing. Because you can be in love with it all equally and taking the start of a new year to create a space for it!